Friday, March 6, 2009

chapter 1

alright, i get, it. somewhat. i understand, you're under a lot of pressure. un-related incidents, unknown friends, foe or enemy? i'm not sure either. honestly, if you weren't what you are to me, i am not too sure i would be friends with you. most of the time, i love you. not because i have to, but because i do. sometimes, i like you, but most of the time i despise you and your unwilling, desperate ways to gather attention, popularity, attention, popularity. everything you do is what you're against. supposedly.
then again, you are a liar. not just sometimes a liar, not just like you were going through one of those phases in high school when you were a liar about everything to make yourself look cool and feel better, but just a flat out, straight up, butt-fucking liar.
it disgusts me. it infuriates me.
i hate liars.
that's an understatement.
i can't even use a word to describe how much i dislike liars. hate is just not strong enough.
users, abusers.
gross, tacky. not my friend.
i just don't know anymore. how to deal with people like this in my life. 
not that i have many to deal with. i thought people left this kind of shit behind in middle school, or high school if it was really that bad. is that what it's for or not? that's what i thought.
but now i know, it's a joke. most people are jokes.
honestly, i can only think of a handful of people, family, friends, i know with integrity. 
horrid. horrifying. i don't know why i still am friends, or love these people. they are good people, in heart. but the way they portray themselves, it's just disgusting. so, depressing. and i don't get depressed often, if at all. 
depressing issue's is something i try to avoid.
well, not avoid, i deal with them, just not publicly. i don't like people feeling sorry for me, yet, 90% of the people i know, totally thrive on it. it's so gross.
so disturbing.
i'm constantly re-evaluating my relationships with friends and the likes, and it's so hard.
to decide, whether to just drop it or hang in there, little buddy.
and that's what i always say;
hang in there little buddy, chin up chin up.
my chin IS up, has been for a while. i have been hangin' in there. FOR EVERYONE.

now my lifeline is just like, blah. i mean, great.
i am stoked beyond stoked with what i am doing, and where i am going and what i am achieving and my goals.
my best friend is gone though. she just is, gone.
my other best friend is still here, just 2000+ miles away.
my family is gone, well, not really. just parts of it.

i am done with saying whatever.
i will brush it off if it's not a big deal, but i am sick of sitting back and watching people i know fuck themselves in the ass then come crying to me for support. i will not stand for this anymore. and i will say my two pence. and if they don't like it, they can do something about it.

actually, this has been done already, on my part.
hasn't had the best of outcomes, but honestly, i'm sick of lying to people for fear of their insecurities. fuck ya'll. you the one's fuckin' your own asses.

cheaters. liars. heated lies.
so disgusting, it's making me sick.

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